The Awful Truth (Part 2)

Years ago, I never get sick.
I was hospitalized once, I was in 3rd grade.
That never happened again.

Yet there I was... lying in bed. It was around 9 in the morning (the usual rounds of doctors in MMC) when the bomb landed in my lap.

I was mum. I couldn't answer the question because the first time I was rushed in the hospital - even though I hadn't done any recent HIV tests - I knew there was something wrong, that I felt I had it. I was afraid. Ashamed. Mortified. And it got the better of me.


Dr. M patiently waited. But I remained silent.

She starts talking that seemed to be some fucking counseling shit but I was feeling blank, unwillingly numb. She nicely handed me her card and offered (to send her a message in case I decided to go through it) to immediately make an HIV outpatient test request for me to pay separately from my hospital bill.

My health insurance cannot know that I've had an HIV test done or it will give them the idea that I had it and will make me pay for all the medical bills. And almost two weeks of staying in Makati Med don't come cheap!

A day later, I sent the message. A nursing aid came with a wheelchair, which apparently was instructed to take me to the out-patient lobby of the Pathology and Laboratories "AFTER" office hours. I handed him P1,100 for the test fees.

It was past 10pm. I was alone in the lobby. I started to count. 1, 2...

6th and 7th, met through PlanetRomeo...

10th, met in Malate...

14th, met at school...

17th, met through Grindr...

23rd, met at 3F Podium, RCBC Plaza...

42nd, met at Republiq...

51st, random guy...

59th, met at the Fort and the list went on.

I'm not gonna lie, I was a slut! I was on sexual loose and really promiscuous after I ended everything with "him". Not to mention the amount of drugs I took. But that didn't stop me and never failed to always use condoms... ever!  

Except... then came the walk down memory lane, I hated it.

In 2007, I recalled, he used to had some sort of intestinal problems and frequent diarrhea weeks before we decided to move in together. Months later, he started visiting a specialist in Makati Med. Concerned, I offered to come with but he strongly declined. He said it was nothing. I believed.

When we were together, making love was like...

Unprotected. Bare. 


All this thinking kept on... from the cubicle where the lady in scrubs took an enormous amount of blood... 'til I was back in my room. I couldn't sleep. Questions came pourin'... How could I've let it happen? Why DID HE let it happen?

I couldn't believe it. I was in denial. He was, after all, the love of my life.

Tears began to fall.

After 18 excruciating days (that felt like forever) of waiting, Dr. M finally asked me to come by her clinic.
It was a Saturday - May 12, 2012.

She handed me these...

There it was, in black and white... the awful truth.


To be continued...